Lockdown Diaries Nominee#43 Of Relationships and Love- Ishita Shreshtha

It is often too hard to believe how our lives can be changed in the split of a second. The pandemic has been one such change in everybody’s lives and I think we would unanimously agree that this change hasn’t brought any good. My emotions have risen and fallen like the tides in the last few months. This must be normal, right? It is normal if I am reconsidering opting for a long-distance relationship with a person I barely knew, isn’t it? And it definitely is normal if my arch nemesis who loved the same guy as me suddenly calls me out of the blue to tell me she is sorry, why? Well, my emotions were so churned up because of the tectonic shift with my relationships that my jealousy, envy, discontentment, sadness, and confusion came up like a cyclone and this is when I realized, this whole time, I had weighed on my shoulders the weight of comparison with my once upon a time friend who I now loathed.
I felt sorry for myself, for the veil of darkness that I had covered myself with, was nothing but a side effect of lack of love from a man who was never worthy. Despite saying our shares of sorry, I still couldn’t unwound myself from the pain of betrayal and disrespect until I realized something funny. Here I am sitting broken-hearted because the man I loved didn’t reciprocate me and there she was, being loved by the same man, but she was busy being envious of me. Oh what we become in the bitterness of love! I poured my heart out because this was the only way to move on…

You feel that tinge of pain when
She writes in secret words
Of his love he never proclaimed.
You feel the familiarity of memories
Caressing your face with her words once
And stabbing you right back.

Your crazy words of truth
They could not take
And so they lied to you each day.
But yesterday her words
Told you the truth.
They showed you the world
They secretly lived in.
The nights you always longed for…

He made her feel alive, not you.
He supported her, not you.
And like a puppet, you waited,
Every day
To feel that love
you could never get.

Today she’s not there,
With him,
But you could be,
For the nights you longed for.
Now you don’t wish to be.
Why?
You feel betrayed and lost
heartbroken; tear drops
almost racing against each other
Like you raced with her.

In the end, both fell down.

You wished to be her?
She wished to be you.

ReachIvy.com organized an online blog/vlog competition to provide people the unique opportunity to share their lockdown stories using their creativity. Ishita Shreshtha from Ranchi India, a 21 year old student of Birla Institute of Technology, eloquently pens down how the pandemic changes the way she perceives love and relationship. Here is a little snippet for you to read. ‘It is often too hard to believe how our lives can be changed in the split of a second. The pandemic has been one such change in everybody’s lives and I think we would unanimously agree that this change hasn’t brought any good. My emotions have risen and fallen like the tides in the last few months. This must be normal, right? It is normal if I am reconsidering opting for a long-distance relationship with a person I barely knew, isn’t it? And it definitely is normal if my arch nemesis who loved the same guy as me suddenly calls me out of the blue to tell me she is sorry, why? Well, my emotions were so churned up because of the tectonic shift with my relationships that my jealousy, envy, discontentment, sadness, and confusion came up like a cyclone and this is when I realized, this whole time, I had weighed on my shoulders the weight of comparison with my once upon a time friend who I now loathed.’

The above entry has been submitted by Ishita Shreshtha from Ranchi India. She is a 21 year old student of Birla Institute of Technology, Mesra. Kudos to Ishita for this beautiful piece!

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